Martha S.

Hello Dr. Martha-
I am the mother of a 15 yr old delinquent child. My husband and I have provided a loving home for him, he comes from a good family. He has been in and out of "placement" for the past 3 years and is on juvenile probation. We have been in and out of counseling since he was 9. He has been diagnosed first with ODD and then CD, I believe him to be a sociopath... even though it cannot be diagnosed until age 18. My husband and I have no good resource for dealing with our son. Juvenile probation believes that continuing this series of "placement" will eventually result in him conforming to society's rules. I do not believe it will. He continually plays head games with the staff, his probation officer, his teachers, and of course his parents. This is outside the normal realm of "teenage behavior". He is incredibly intelligent and very charming. I have read various articles about how to deal with a sociopath and most result in letting go and moving on. This simply is not an option when the sociopath is your son. Please send me any information that you might have for a resource that will help us steer our son in the right direction. I believe that with his intelligence, he could be very successful in society. We just don't know how to steer him in the right direction. It is very difficult to help someone who does not believe he needs help or that anything is wrong.

Hello Martha,

we will keep my name out of this post. I know that most sociopaths, are not aware that they are sociopaths. The ones that do know, they are ruthless and by far the worst. I know that post people would be justified with their view on sociopathic individuals. I know that I have been a sociopath for about five years now, and I know know that I can speak about being a sociopath without conviction. My wife who is the best in the world, I could not live without. My children who are so proud of me, have help me to be a better person. I tell you these things because despite my transgressions, lies, and many more terrible bad traits. I know now that I have overcome so much. When my wife let me know what I am, I thought that I could lie my way out. But she is right, and I love her so much for having the guts to let me know. She was so scared to let me know what I am. She was scared because she thought that I would take what she tells me, so that I can make the most horrifying sociopathic individual person that the world has never meant. She was wrong about that, I used what she told me to be a better person. I also used what she told me right, because I would to be able to let my kids to remember me as someone great. But most important, to get rid of the God like complex that I had. I know who God is, and I accept him, and I love God very much. I write to let you know that what I am is something that I know has helped me to be a better person. My wife has always let me know, that Love is Hope, and she will never give up on our Love. 13 years married, I know and feel what she has fought for. She will be repaid with honesty, hope, love, caring, and a beautiful life. Thanks.

Hi Martha,

Thanks so much for your book. It's helped me understand some of my "problem" students. As a high school teacher, I see on average 160 students a day. I've often said "It's only a handful of students who are problems, but they can become major issues." Many teachers are in a similar situation. How can teachers effectively deal with a sociopath student? We can't discipline them--and they can usually charm guidance counselors and administrators with crocodile tears. We can't exactly avoid them. You encourage people to disengage with a sociopath, but when you have a legal obligation to monitor that sociopath--and protect other students while also providing an education--things can get complicated. Are there any resources you can suggest for helping educators effectively manage the sociopath in the classroom?

Hi Martha,
I was hoping to be able to contact you regarding reviewing a book authored by a woman who encountered a sociopathic individual. Due to circumstances which I will explain in a private message to you, there is a level of urgency. We have electronic versions that can be sent or we can also courier something if you prefer. We'd love to be able to talk to you or email directly if that would be possible. Thanks for considering this request.

Sincerely,
Henry Bourdon
Granville Island Publishing

Hi Martha! It is amazing to read through all of your accomplishments. You have done some incredible work, and I can't help but feel as though I have been led to you for some reason. I am also a resident of Massachusetts, engaged and living with my fiance and his beautiful son. A deep sorrow has set in this evening after his extremely young son returned home after a visit with his mother (court ordered), in which he proclaimed that his mother said that his father and I do not love him. Our family is full of fun, support, love, and happiness, dancing in the kitchen, cooking big, colorful meals, playing outside in the mud and puddles, going to festivals and farmers markets, taking weekend trips, etc. His mother has been involuntarily committed twice, for specific reasons we are unaware of, but carries all of the necessary characteristics of a true sociopath, right down to violent, heartless behavior. She is very good, almost an entrepreneur of sorts, when it comes to manipulation. It took her less than four hours to convince her son that his father and I DO NOT love him. He is a very smart boy, but still young enough to be permanently damaged but these mind games. It is only the beginning, and surely not the end. So aside from prayer and patience, we truly need some help. There is a file 12 years thick of the abuse, neglect, and abandonment upon her other children, and yet DCF and the court system still allow unsupervised visits. Are there any organizations, support groups, or ANYONE out there who may have some kind words of advice? My fiance and I would be forever grateful. Thank you for your time.

I just read The Sociopath Next Door; great book.
I would of liked to of read more about substance abuse and how that effects one's consciences. I have been sober since 83; I did some horrible things in my drinking days. Today I won't even eat animal products because I don't won't to harm animals. But I see also that my conscience has more things to work out. I just think there is a gray area here that needs to be talked about. Why does a person do bad things even if he is not a sociopath?

I just sent you a message, but see that you have written books that would answer all my questions. Apologies, I was following a link from another website. Till recently, I believed I was rather clever. But am revealed a babe in the woods. -Karen

Dr. Stout,

Thank you for your work, "The Sociopath Next Door". A friend and I have been reading it together and it's created a lot of wonderful debate. It's really made me consider a lot of things.

I wanted to tell you that, after finishing your book, I started reading Philip K. Dick's book, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?", the basis for the sci-fi film, Blade Runner.

I was surprised to see that Dick's book is also a discussion on the conscience. In the book, the protagonist hunts down escaped androids. He uses an empathy test to differentiate between androids and humans. It seems that the androids fit the description of sociopaths.

I'd be curious to know if you read this book (it's markedly different from the movie). If so, what was your reaction to it.

Thank you again for your intriguing work.

-Gavin Young

I'm struggling on how I should interact with my 25 year old son who exhibits many, if not all, of the characteristics of a sociopath. Nothing I have ever said, along with repeated warnings for the last 10 years has done any good, he continues to display reckless behavior and is now in very serious trouble with the law. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Dr Stout,

I have recently encountered a collection of sociopaths. It is so pervasive it staggers the imagination. The following is my story that I have tried to share with Congress etc.

I am a published author and someday I hope to publish an artilce in a professional jouornal about these expereinces. I hope you will find this interesting and I would really like to hear from you.

Your book really helped to clear things up for me.

527 2nd St NE
Hopkins, MN 55343
952-933-3460

2/14/2011

Re: I seek to talk live with you to prevent others from experiencing the staggering injustice that I, and many others have.

To whom it may concern:

I am a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and a 64 yr-old widowed father, for 16+ years, of my now 20 yr-old son.

When my “wife” of 2 months decided to use VAWA to obtain citizens ship she announced to me. “I know how to make your life miserable & I am going to do it!”

After two months of an unconsummated marriage, to a foreign bride, Angeline Barola, I suggested to her that we needed a marriage counselor or have the marriage annulled. She announced to me, “I know how to make your life miserable and I am going to do it!” She, then, falsely accused me of domestic violence and had me arrested and kicked out of my home via an Order For Protection (OFP) 3/07. False accusers are virtually never prosecuted. 0.000% in Minnesota.
The Hopkins police did not evaluate the fraudulent evidence Angeline Barola had given them. In a picture of the supposed violence there was a scratch on the inside of her left arm. She scratched herself in my presence. I, at the time, of course had no idea why she was doing this. Her story that I dug my nails into her would be completely inconsistent with the scratch on her arm. A thoughtful, non-prejudicial, police officer, I believe, should have picked this up. Later she added 5 counts of vicious spousal rape.
When the police came to arrest me I had no idea, there was any thought violence had occurred. Fortunately, for me, Angeline Barola got her green card (the real reason she married me) a week after filing the false accusations and was too busy scamming others and enjoying citizenship and, did not want to be tied down prosecuting me. She followed a scripted two-step process of destroying my life in order to get citizenship. The criminal charges were either dropped or I was found not guilty. In the process I learned about our corrupt Domestic Violence Industry and our Judicial system.
The local Domestic Violence Shelter’s worker Anietie Ekpo-Umoeke of Minnetonka’s Sojourner, added more, extremely serious and again false accusations, to my wife’s previous false accusations. However, the potential arresting officer, Jason Swensen, from Minnetonka, took the time to investigate and look at what was happening that I was not again arrested. This arrest would have put me in jail for 90 days. Ruining my life and family. My license to practice psychotherapy would be gone. My son would be alone. We would lose our home. Officer Swenson advised me against filing charges saying they had unlimited financial resources and would go thru judge after judge till they got one to do their bidding.
My wife then went to live with her boyfriend in St Paul. Where was the concern about family? My 16 year old son stayed in our house 24/7 by himself keeping in phone contact with me. She was never there except the 1st day to come and steal a computer.
I wanted to press charges against Anietie Ekpo-Umoeke and Sojourner. But, Officer Jason Swensen advised me that if I did that Sojourner, the Domestic Violence Center, had a lot of financial resources and they would simply go thru judges till they found one who would do their bidding.

In cahoots with the Civil Society, Referee (Judge) Kevin McGrath in my first trial would not allow any of my witnesses to testify. Referee (Judge) Tsippi Wray at a 2nd trial attacked my witnesses without reason. Witnesses that I did not know. Three people, being harassed or terrorized had come forth as my wife had bragged to them, Emily & Russ Schultz about her scam intending to bring false charges, or scamming Jesse Cruz and then attempting to bribe him saying her father’s friend would bring the money to him in Lubbock, Texas. Again, in cahoots with the Civil Society Tsippi Wray refused the expert witness testimony of an attorney who was qualified in criminal, family and immigration law. 25 character witnesses including MD’s, Psychologists, Social Workers, Ministers, a past wife and mother’s of actual victims treated by me. None were ever allowed to testify. Thus denying me any ability to defend myself.

I was a fool! I married a criminal. I am angry with the Domestic Violence Industry and our judicial system because of laws assuming men are guilty, without evidence i.e., Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), and the disregard for objectivity and fairness by those in the judicial systems.

I filed for bankruptcy, 12/19/08 for close to $100,000. Previously I had an excellent credit rating. I am considered to have won. To be granted a divorce I was ordered by Referee Tsippi Wray not to report the Federal Felony of Immigration Marriage Fraud. Wray & McGrath aided and abetted this criminal. The Judiciary and police are currently working, some knowingly and some perhaps unknowingly, for criminals. If this can happen to me, with my established credentials (see below), what is the fate of others? Everything here is based on my experience.

Go to www.immigrationfraudvictims.com to learn more about this particular scam and how false accusations of domestic violence and rape destroy the American family or to make a donation go to Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting (RADAR). http://www.mediaradar.org/index.php and http://veteransabroad.com

Sincerely,


William J Ronan,
Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker, MS Counseling, BA Psychology
Minnesota Crime Victim’s Mental Health Professional
Author: Treating The Battering Husband, 1992 Journal of the American Academy of Medical Hypnoanalysis
Fellow/Diplomat: American Psychotherapy Association
Minnesota Divorce Mediator: Facilitative/Hybrid "qualified neutral under Rule 114 of the Minnesota General Rules of Practice
USMC 1965-1969, two tours Vietnam, Infantry, Vietnamese Language Interpreter, Chemical, Biological and Radiological Warfare Advisor
Placement “Family Crisis Intervention Unit” Erie, PA
Volunteer “Erie County Rape Crisis Center”, Erie, PA
Widowed, single parent father, without any family for the last 15 years of my now 19-year-old son.
“In recognition of” my “important contribution to the ongoing fight against hatred and intolerance in America.” My “name is being added to the Wall of Tolerance in Montgomery, Alabama; to provide inspiration to all those who choose to take a stand against hatred.” by Morris Dees, Founder: Southern Poverty Law Center”
Board Member: Hopkins Noon-Time Lions Club

"In Germany, they came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist;
And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist;
And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew;
And then . . . they came for me . . . And by that time there was no one left to speak up." Pastor in Nazi Germany: Martin Niemoller